The Science of Attraction

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Last week, I was commuting into university from King’s Cross to Whitechapel. It was rush hour and at Farringdon she walked in. One of the most beautiful girls I had ever seen, steps onto the train, and struggles into the empty seat next to me. Her eyes a deep green, her hair long and black and her scent mesmerising, I kid you not, an angel was travelling eastbound on the Hammersmith and City Line. Ironically, before she walked in, I was immersed in the wisdom of the Bhagavad Gita, about how we are more than these bodies, how the mind tricks us into a false sense of happiness and the temporary nature of this world. But that was all out the window. I was stunned. The train was silent, but my mind was screaming. What’s her name? Does she study at my university? I wonder if she has a boyfriend. Shall I talk to her? Where shall I take her to dinner? Imagine if we got married? What if my mum doesn’t like her? The thought’s go on and on, but I’ll stop there to save further embarrassment. Don’t judge me. I know this happens to you too. This is the uncontrolled nature of the mind. She left the train at Liverpool Street without even looking at me. A piece of me died that day. Now I understand why “The Script” wrote “The man who can’t be moved.” I feel you, Danny.
The mind is fascinating. Especially, how easily it gets roped into finding someone attractive. The greatest films are based on that storyline: boy meets girl. But did you know that attraction is a science? That there is a pattern every time you get attracted to someone? The Gita, as always, has a lot to share on the matter.

The process starts by understanding that our senses require real engagements. They have to be occupied in something tangible. Our eyes naturally want to see something beautiful; our noses naturally want to smell something fragrant and our tongue naturally wants to taste something delicious. It is by this initial contact of our senses to the object of our senses that we become attracted, but it goes further than this.

The real attachment happens when we contemplate on these things, in this case, that person. Attachment only solidifies, when our consciousness commits to the situation.* Subsequently, material attachment leads to lust. If we are successful, our lust enters a, never-ending cycle of greed for more lust, which can be frustrating. Matter cannot satisfy the soul. That’s why we always want the next iPhone. However, most of the time we are unlucky i.e. “we don’t get the girl” which leads to anger and whole other range of destructive corollaries. We all know someone who is mad about someone else, but is depressed because they can’t get a date with them.

The solution? Change the object of the senses. In other words, engage the mind and senses somewhere else. To get someone out of your head, you need to delete them off Facebook; remove them from your contact list. The more you talk to them, the more attached you become. “Out of sight, out of mind.” It sounds ruthless, but so is the untamed mind. It will eat you up! The reverse is also true. To attract someone you need to be in their face as much as possible, but also at the best time. If you want to catch someone’s eye, you need to be memorable.

The Gita is a book of scientific universal principles. The models it presents, like this one of attraction, apply in all situations; so much so, you can physically see their manifestation in today’s world. Although, it goes at length to discuss how to properly apply these principles for maximum happiness, it’s up to us how we do so.

Enter spirituality. By gradually substituting worldly stimuli with spiritual, and by contemplating on the nature of our relationship with the Supreme Personality, the Gita reveals this as the secret to transform the once given, anger into peace, illusion into knowledge and lust into love.

*The Vedic literatures also discuss how Kamadeva, as known as Cupid , the god of love, acts when one if infatuated. It reveals the different arrows he shoots at people depending on their stage of love-sickness. However, this is a topic for another post!
By Vinay Raniga